With probably two exceptions all of the blogs heretofore were written before retirement. This was written January 24, 2024, and reveals a secret of life like Walter Mitty’s – sort of.
Two images have in my mind characterized my 40 years of ministry. One was hanging on my office wall another was tucked away in our family Bible. I was surprised that no one ever asked about the one in my office (It is small.), and no one knew about the one tucked away.
The first describes my view of the despair, the Anfechtung, the temptation that is ever present to the faithful pastor and shows its cause: The Devil keeping our righteousness in Christ away from us so that we will try to establish it somewhere else. It’s despair if we can’t and disaster if we can. Ask Job. This is in accordance with Luther’s explanation of the 6 Petition. “We pray in this petition that God would guard and keep us so that the devil, the world, and our sinful nature may not deceive us or mislead us into false belief, despair, and other great shame and vice. Although we are attacked by these things, we pray that we may finally overcome them and win the victory.” Luther’s further elucidation in the Larger Catechism is more pointed: “the young suffer especially from the flesh, afterwards, they that attain to middle life and old age, from the world, but others who are occupied with spiritual matters, that is, strong Christians, from the devil” (https://bookofconcord.org/large-catechism/lords-prayer/#lc-iii-0107 ).
The second image illustrates my retirement. This was a 1992 Reader’s Digest back cover. It is said that a pastor’s family often feel like goldfish in a bowl. I never got that from my wife or kids, but that is how I felt. There were few members who actually made me feel this way. Really only a handful; the goldfish bowl feeling was 90% my doing. My kids think I’m being funny when I randomly open my backdoor and shout, “Stop looking at me!” Not being funny just neurotic. And that’s okay. Redemption in Jesus’ name doesn’t necessarily free anyone from neuroses, depression, pain, sorrow, sickness, et. al.. But we are redeemed from them. This no therapist, pill, or behavior modification can promise – though they do. Christ delivers on all His promises.
My kind of neurosis definitely made the ministry harder. I think my own mother sensed this. One of last things she said to me from the hospital she would go to heaven from was that she was surprised that I rather than my brother went into the ministry. It was definitely a Moses and Aaron thing.
I’m very surprised I lasted 40 years. There was all the help in the world, this one and next, from the Lord. And there was plenty of help from some confessional pastors and members. There was some help from the seminary I came from by way of two professors. And there was not only no help but little in the way of hope from the LCMS, inc.. In fact, there was nothing but discouragement. But that is in the past. I’m out of the bowl and swimming.
Cue Gloria: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dYWe1c3OyU
